What am I doing? Two, this week. Two cigarettes, that is.

I’ve noticed that I may be in the wrong profession.

This is my haven, my room. And yet, everyday I tolerate coming to an office where I sit in front of a computer doing mundane and repetitious tasks, month after month. Accounting. Not taken for granted, it allowed me to get the stuff I have, and I enjoy the company and the people at work. But this isn’t where I saw myself five years ago.

But I’m getting there.

I had plenty of path’s I could have taken, or still can: the film producer, the musician, the architect, the computer scientist and the entrepreneur. But I played it safe, I went with accounting. It may not have been the best choice… but it’s probably the right choice.

Why are cigarettes and my job in this post? Well, if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about technology manufacturing companies… is that most smokers are engineers and mostly male, and finance is usually more female. I guess that’s it. Really no point in this.

Have a pleasant Friday.

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The Last

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While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Santana feat. India Irie – While My Guitar Gently Weeps
One of my favorite Beatles songs by one of my favorite guitarists.

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This isn’t about the piece above. This is about 432 Hz.

This isn’t news, but I only found out about the 432 Hz frequency this past weekend. Supposedly, the modern music standard has set the Concert A tuned to 440 Hz. However, during ancient times and in many long-standing cultures today (such as Tibetan monks) set their instruments tuned to A=432 Hz. Why?

Because 432 Hz is said to be the natural tone of the universe (big claim). That its frequencies when set to A=432 Hz provides the most natural resonance and harmonics. Many believe that songs set to 432 Hz sound more pleasant, easier to sing, and is harmony with the heart, rather than the thought. So in essence, its more spiritual. It also follows the Golden Ratio, the Divine Proportion, and/or Fibonacci series. Very fascinating.

Some even claim that these tones have healing abilities. I find some validity. After all, its been proven that sound waves are more than just sounds (i.e. the vibrations of a high note can shatter glass and we can “see” using ultrasounds, technologies like sonar, etc).

Rebuttal time. These aren’t real numbers, like Pi, numbers aren’t even really real. (It sounds crazy, but think about it, have you ever seen 1 or 0, its subjective.) I don’t really hear a significant difference from 440Hz to 432Hz, not enough to say: “Wow, that’s really different, sounds a lot better, more soothing” as some are saying.

Who’s to say it’s still 432Hz, this universe is either constantly expanding or compressing (or both), that the frequencies can be very different now or impossible to track with constant change. Then there’s all the conspiracy mumbo jumbo tied with it, like how the Nazi’s enforced the 440Hz frequency. Then there are claims of other “healing” tones like 528Hz, 396Hz or “fear” tones like 19Hz.

But when you think about it… remember the emergency broadcasts? The attention tones are a combination of 853 and 960 Hz, and it did have an “alarming” feel to it. And I’m sure everyone can relate that certain songs evoke certain feelings and emotions.

Sometimes, I feel like its a placebo effect. That we think things into fruition (like “The Secret” which I also watched recently). This is about as far as I’ll go with this theory, anymore, people start getting  complicated… specially when it gets into numerology. Start to get all 23 on us, finding connections using every single equation possible to come to “preferred” solutions.

All I know, a good sounding song is a good sounding song, vice-versa. I’m still gonna listen to my favorite artists and I’m not going to drop the pitch of all my favorite songs from 440Hz to 432Hz. I gave it a try, it sounds pretty similar.

Does anyone know of good anecdotal evidence that 432Hz music is more “natural”? Or even personal experiences with this tones? I’d love to know. 

432 Hz

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I need to be alone like the way you left me.

Childish Gambino

I rather want everything and have nothing than have everything and want nothing.



I’m not a pack a day smoker and I only smoked three cigarettes this week, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that I still smoke cigarettes and I know that I shouldn’t.

I know my family wouldn’t have it. And neither would my friends. I’m closet smoker, just like how I’m a closet author. But this Friday is dragging longer than I thought and I don’t have much of a weekend to look forward to. I’m still at square one with a lot of the goals I’d like to achieve and responsibilities are weighing me down.

It’s a crutch. It’s choice that I’m in control of, but its a bad choice. A girl that I became madly in love with left me, and I saw it coming. But I strolled along, and now that I’m making the necessary steps to move on, it doesn’t make anything that much easier. I didn’t have much of a choice. And now, I’m living vicariously through the goals I’ve left behind to be with her, to care for her. I had to let her go, it was better for the both of us. I think.

I’m not as happy, but I’m getting through it.

I exchanged that problem with a problem I could handle. That maybe if I start smoking, and quit, I could prove myself that I’m still in control. And that I still have choices, and I could continue.

I could see and understand how some people, under the face of suffering, resort to such things as drinking and smoking. But really, it doesn’t solve anything…if make the situation worse. Now I have a higher mountain to climb, but a tougher struggle makes for a stronger person in the end. But how far do I have to go until I realize it’s just not worth it.

It’s not worth it. I hate this. And so I write, I have a few to talk to, but I haven’t allowed myself to trust. Maybe I would hope that someone I knew found this blog, and figured out who I am. It’s hard to come clean to a friend, or even family, when a lot of people rely on me to set a good example, who look up to me. I just can’t be that person, all the time. I take care of what I need to do, make end’s meat, make sure most of my relationships are in good standing. But it never seems to be enough.

I face decisions everyday that may affect the rest of my life, its not always “peace easy.” It’s not easy. A struggle between who I want to be, who I need to be, and who everyone expects me to be. I guess this is more than just about kicking the habit.

It’s Friday. I need to relax. (But not with another cigarette.)




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“No matter how much we plan, predict or prepare, we’ll only know whether we made the right decision in hindsight.”

“No matter how much we p…