Is it so difficult to separate feelings from friendship?
It’s been three weeks since we’ve been “done.” A relationship that would have been, but didn’t. We gave it a chance, but it didn’t work. It’s true what they say, “You don’t choose who you love.” I loved her, I still do. But her love belongs to someone else. So what else is there to salvage?
A friendship? Many say it isn’t possible, not when you have a history. But I’m trying to fight against the odds here, I don’t want her to fall away. I still care… and I’m not hoping for us to rekindle the spark, but at least leave each other in good standing.
My parents still feel like there’s hope. I believe in love, I do. But not like this. Our hopes for a relationship is gone, but the love is still. We aren’t us, we aren’t “BFF’s” (like my mom called us, **** that), we are who we are. And I just care from the sincerity of my heart.
Man, screw this.
…yeah. It happens. Heh.
“…baby, we should take it slow… take it slow.” – John Legend
I caught up with my favorite show tonight, How I Met Your Mother. I love this show… I find it to be the most relatable and relevant to my generation. I’m at the point in my life where I’m still enjoying the single life but giving relationships a shot. I guess, it’s been a little rough lately… I’ve been seeing a girl for a few months, it was going pretty well, then all of a sudden, everything changed. I thought it would work out, maybe not now… and possibly, not ever. Who knows. Anyways…
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz translates (from Klaus, HIMYM): “life long treasure of destiny.” That’s it right there, that’s how it should feel when you know she’s the one. But instead, Klaus describes his ex-fiance as Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand, Klaus explains it’s “the thing that is almost the thing that you want…but it’s not quite.” So then how will you know the difference?
“Lebenshlakaschitzseshatz is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin…” – Klaus
Is that how I felt? Maybe. It could have been the summer heat. My friends seem to be getting into relationships left and right lately, so the topic comes into conversation a lot more frequently.
“Maybe we’ll have another chance, just not now.” – Myself
Will we? Only God knows… a friend and I were talking. “I don’t believe in first love.” I believe in love, I just don’t think it comes around the way it should the first time around. I think our understanding of love and what it means between two people can and will change over time. And most of the time, that changing meaning will be the reason to either part ways, or to stay together.
Love isn’t just about happiness. “Love is sturdy like a tree, happiness is like a leaf, blows away with the wind.” It prevails during the good times and more importantly through the tough times. Relationships are built on trust, patience, understanding, and the willingness to traverse this life together, a compromise… a commitment.
Klaus: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz… …have you ever felt this way about someone?
Ted: …I think so.
Klaus: If you have to think about it, you have not felt it.
Ted: And you’re absolutely sure you’ll find that someday?
Klaus: Of course. Everyone does, eventually… you just never know when, or where.
(Sidenote: one of my favorite songs was playing during this scene, Band of Horse – The Funeral)